I want to tell you all about how wonderful he is, and how every moment he has been in my life has made me a better person. How being around him is an adventure and how he is so sweet and silly and funny, even though he can be the complete opposite too. I want to share with you how beautiful he is, how his smile and laugh are infectious and how he loves to cuddle. I want to share all that is good about him and celebrate him on his most special of days.
But right now, I'm worried. I'm worried because Simon just realized today how soon school is starting, and he is afraid. And he is nervous. And he is sad. And he spent the day being very sensitive to everything, quick to cry, and quicker to be angry. And tonight, he couldn't fall asleep. Not because he was so excited for his most special of days, but because he was nervous about going back to school. And I just hate it.
I hate that he has to be worried. I hate that he is panicking. That he is anxious. That he is afraid. I hate that he is spending the night before his birthday not worrying about his presents, or the playdate he has in the morning, or the cookies we're bringing to karate, or the cake he will have afterwards. He is instead, the night before his birthday, worrying about school. About who his teacher is. About who will be his friend in class. About it all. And I hate to see him this way. If I could, I would take all his worry away. I simply don't know how.
I realized that though I wouldn't change anything about Simon for me, and love him more than I thought possible, there is something that, were it to change, would help him more than words can really describe.
And so, a birthday wish for my firstborn, for the baby that made me a mother and the smile that could light up a room...that you wouldn't feel so anxious. That you would know, as we do, that you are amazing. That you are brave and strong and really, the first best thing to ever happen to us. You don't have to be afraid. You can do this. We love you.
Happy birthday, Moon Man.